Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I wish March had only 30 days
I have put off posting all day today because I am blue and I just didn't want to come here in that mood.
But I had no choice since it's the LAST day of BloMo.
So here I am, doing a half assed lameo post about nothing good, just so that I can fulfill my blomo obligations.
My neighbor who I love of whom I have spoken in the past moved out today. I am going to miss her very much. My lease renewal paperwork just came and I have come to realize that I don't want to live in Raleigh anymore but I cannot afford to move so I am essentially trapped.
I don't do trapped well.
Things I am hoping for don't seem to be coming to fruition either.
That "something's coming" feeling that I'd been having has been kinda replaced by a feeling of stuck in limbo. And that sucks. And not in a good way.
So I hate to leave this super positive month on this horribly down note, but I just can't help it. Sorry.
Maybe it's an early April fool's joke and tomorrow life will not suck again :)
Monday, March 30, 2009
A peek into my crazy
Ok don't get all excited, I'm not going to let you peek into my crazy today.
It's MY crazy and I don't really choose to share it often. There are a few people who have a bit of a clue about all some of my secret crazies that I can mask well to the rest of the world, but I don't think that there is anyone who knows them all...
In the last few days I have let 2 different people peek at some of my crazy and it's kinda weird. The first peek I gave was actually to the friend I had dinner with in Danville, which is really a shocker since we never were that close. I didn't give him any of the good stuff though, and I'm not sure how we even got on topic, but it just sorta flowed into something that I have never actually talked about with anyone ever. It wasn't really deep intense stuff, so I don' t even know if he realizes he peeked, but it was still thoughts that I keep tucked inside and I am still surprised that they slipped out.
Then yesterday I was having a conversation with another friend and I opened the door on another one of my crazies. Today I expanded on that mess that is my mind in an email. But along with the conversation that is my crazy, we also had been talking about trust (in fact, the other stuff just sorta flowed from the trust conversation) and I realize that I might be having some trust breakthroughs...
I have never had any problems trusting men I am in relationships with, which seems odd, considering I have HUGE issues with trusting friends...
About 5 years ago I was fuct over LARGE by someone I considered a good friend, and she managed to tear apart a group of mutual friends with her lies and manipulations which made me lose trust in those friends too... Since then, I have been really careful about who I give my confidence to...
Realizing that I just opened up even just a wee bit twice in the past few days makes me wonder if I might have actually healed from that broken heart from 5 years ago and I may have come out even better on the other end.
Go figure.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Bliss
That's me right now.
Complete happiness.
Not over anything in particular, although it was a gorgeous day and I had a lovely afternoon, but I just feel really happy right now.
Nothing in my life is exceedingly fabulous, and some could argue that parts of it are sub-par....
And yet, right now, as I sit here typing this, I am feeling quite blissful.
And I'm just going to go with it :) And my wish for each and every one of you, dear readers, (even those of you who are in lurkful hiding) is that you can feel the same way I do right now :) <3
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Super Quick Post
Not sure what time I'll be home later so I figure I better get this in just to be safe.
Today I am headed to the town of Danville to meet up with an old HS friend. He said he's taking me to a redneck karaoke bar. Should be interesting!
I have no idea if we shall have a nice dinner and I'll be home by 9pm or if we'll have a blast and I won't be back till after midnight...
He's a really fun guy, so I suspect it might be choice B, but he is in town for work, so it might end up being choice A. Either way, I'm just happy to have plans on a Saturday night :)
I am NOT happy though that I still cannot find my ipod and will be forced to listen to radio for this 90+ minute journey to where he is... I have an old cd player that I am going to attempt to plug into the wire that normally plugs into my ipod to see if that works, but I remember from when diskmen were all the rage that they eat batteries like I eat tootsie rolls. I am bringing two spare sets of rechargable batteries to hopefully make it last... if not, it's crap radio for me!
Well I think I should probably go get a shower now since I think I have to leave in like 40 minutes...
I'll let yinz know how it goes tomorrow!
Friday, March 27, 2009
a rainy day Friday Shuffle
kinda a dreary day out there today... my sinuses are not a fan of the low pressure either. I took some benedryl last night and am feeling pretty groggified still. I'm curious to see if my itunes picks up on the dreariness and groggification... Shall we see?
How Beautiful You Are - The Cure
You want to know why I hate you?
Well I'll try and explain...
I Shall Be Released - Sting, U2, Peter Gabriel
Now yonder stands a man in this lonely crowd
A man who swears he's not to blame
All day long I hear him shouting so loud
Just crying out that he was framed
Hey You - The Cure
Hey you!!!
Yes you
Yes you the one that looks delirious
The Wheel - Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians
All your thoughts are in another head,
your dreams are sleeping in a different bed.
The force that moves you is a circular breath,
of life and death going round and round and round.
Falling - Susanna Hoffs
Piece by piece I come undone
Lose my equilibrium
I crash but I don't care
Nothing to hold on to
What About Love - Heart
Ive been lonely
Ive been waiting for you
I'm pretending and that's all I can do
The love I'm sending
Ain't making it through to your heart
We Work the Black Seam - Sting
And should the children weep
The turning world will sing their souls to sleep
When you have sunk without a trace
The universe will suck me into place
I'm Alive - David Cook (Neil Diamond night on Idol)
Take a walk, you can hardly breathe the air
Look around, it's a hard life everywhere
People talk, but they never really care
On the street, there's a feeling of despair
I've Seen Better Days - Citizen King
I'm faded, flat busted;
I've been jaded I've been dusted.
I know that I've seen better days.
Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
Didn't take too long 'fore I found out
What people mean by down and out.
Ok so I kinda made it work with the depressive gloom with the lyrics. I think I'm Alive is one of the most happy, upbeat, inspirational songs ever, but I had to make it work :)
Not that I'm depressed or anything, but it does kinda seem like the world around me is a bit right now...
As for me-
I'm alive
And I don't care much for words of doom
If it's love you need, well I got the room
It's a simple thing that came to me
And I thank God I'm alive
I can take all that life has got to give
If I got someone to share it with
I got love and love is all you really need
I'm alive
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Come out, come out, whoever you are!
Seriously, you don't need a blogger account to leave comments anymore, you can do an open id one.
I know there are some of you out there reading who have never left a comment, and I only have a slight idea who y'all might be.
Please take the time to leave me a comment today so I can stop wondering :)
I had a tough day, I deserve it...
What kind of tough day you ask? Well I was exaggerating. But I did just dump a whole lot of spaghetti sauce all down my front and it landed in a puddle in my lap. I stripped down and put it right into the washer and found that the sauce had stained my left breast orange. It's attractive....
Well as soon as the washer is done I'll be off for the shower!
SO leave a comment, share with me the latest food you've dropped on your lap :)
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
you gotta have faith faith faith
Life can be surprising at times. I think I've finally figured it out- just when you expect things to go one way, they shock the hell out of you and go a different direction.
Of course things don't always worth this way, so it keeps me on my toes. Especially in the work world. But I'm hoping to be surprised this time...
But in my personal life- it seems status quo.
Over the course of the past 9 years I have truly turned from a half empty girl to a half full one. Partly sunny vs partly cloudy. But some days I see the clouds or notice what's missing. And that seems to be right about when I am happily proven wrong.
I just have to remember, I gotta have faith faith faith... BAYBEE....
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Poseidon and the Bitter Bug
Go here and give it a listen!
I REALLY shouldn't be spending money right now, but I splurged and spent the $7.49 on the download and am SO happy I did! It has been on non-stop repeat for several hours and will probably stay that way for many days to come.
It is like a "best of" the Indigo Girls, except it's all new. It has all of their best sounds in fresh fun songs. Today was a lovely sunshiney day and it was the perfect soundtrack to accompany the day.
I am in love <3
Monday, March 23, 2009
Another great day :)
And it's not even thanks to facebook for once!!!
First we had our annual at the vet...and it did not go as badly as visits past! It wasn't perfect, but I'm still proud of Ringo for being really good for most of the appointment. How did we accomplish this you ask? Music. My friend who is currently working on his new album has been sending me songs as he records them, and there were 2 in particular that Ringo loved. The one as soon as it started he got up from across the room, came over, sat on right next to the computer, paws and head right over the speakers. I played the song on repeat for a while and he said there just in awe of the song. As soon as I turned it off he got up and left. So I figured he must really like the song.
My cell phone has an MP3 player in it so I put that and a few others he seems to like on it for the visit. I put my phone next to his carrier playing his favorite while we waited for the doctor and while the vet examined his brother. Normally through all of this he would be growling and hissing and sounding like a scary badass, but he didn't at all. He even got on the scale with no complaints!
For his actual exam I turned the music off so the vet could hear his heart and whatnot and this is when he started up with his growling and hissing and whatnot... But all in all, he was REALLY GOOD. I am so proud of him! And so greatful for my friend's music that soothed this savage beast :)
So then later the day got even better...
My old roommate from my senior year is one of the most important special people to ever touch my life. She helped me to really learn how to be less uptight and have fun. And I lost touch with her about 5 years ago and have often thought about her. Well thanks to facebook and me reconnecting with so many, I got inspired. I managed to track down her parents phone number, and then called her mom when I got home from the vet. Mom was happy to hear from me and gave me JT's phone number, I called, left a message and then she called back a bit ago and we just had the best conversation filled with love and laughter.
Isn't life swell???
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Kind person or Busybody?
So my fabulous neighbor called yesterday to check on me... why? Because the new neighbor on the other side of me was worried about me. She has never met me, but the other day it rained and *gasp* I didn't shut the front room windows!! Get this- she actually called the office about me! They told her not to worry, that Brenda and I were tight and she had a key, so this chick must have been stalking Brenda out the window or something because she approached her to ask her to check on me.
Seriously?
I don't shut windows. I like fresh air. There was nothing of value getting wet. And this was the only clue she had that something might be wrong. It could have been that I simply wasn't home!
Either way, Brenda says she is very nice, so I will make an effort at some point soon to go meet her and thank her for her concern. I guess there is a good chance that she's just a very caring woman and we could end up friends.
I fear that it's Gladys Kravitz though who has moved in...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Tarheel Kitty Cat
Ever since we started watching the 'heels play, Seamus has been a good luck charm for them.
If he watches the game with me, they win, plain and simple.
Today they were looking pretty shaky against LSU...were actually down at one point!
I went in the other room, got Seamus, and suddenly, they started RAWKING!
And now they are headed to the Sweet Sixteen!
I hope he watches each game with me and makes Obama's final pick come through!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Friday Shuffle- I think there's a bit of a theme...
Because of superstition, I will not share what I hope this theme may be showing unless it happens... But I have to say I was not happy to see Out of Reach show up on it... The rest are great though :) Can anyone guess what I'm seeing? (definitely in the first 5!) The lyrics I chose are only ones I like for the first 5 so ignore them, but the second five I chose ones to make them match the theme I want this to be :)
Going to California by Led Zeppelin
Going to California with an aching in my heart.
It's Probably Me by Sting
When your belly's empty and the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal
This is the Time by Billy Joel
Did you know that before you came into my life
It was some kind of miracle that I survived
Back to Life by Soul II Soul
no more room for trouble and fuss
need a change a positive change
Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' by Journey
Just when you said we'd try
Lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other
Out of Reach by Gabrielle (Bridget Jones Sountrack)
Keeping busy every day
I know I will be OK
Absolute Reality by The Alarm
You may work hard
You may never work at all
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
Im gonna make a change,
For once in my life
Suddenly by Olivia Newton John and Cliff Richard (Xanadu sountrack)
Suddenly the wheels are in motion
And I I'm ready to sail any ocean
Beautiful Day by U2
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Who's ready for another Haiku Thursday?
Obama chose the Tarheels!
hope he's got it right!
Winter is over
I know I'm not the only
who's ready for spring!
Song stuck in my head:
it's Liz Phair's Supernova
Solar Superman
"Cherub's bare wet ass"
and "fuck like a volcano"
are both great lyrics
best. lyrics. ever.
"like an electric fence, I
can't get over you"
time for me to go
need to buy toilet paper
and cat food of course
closest place to shop
"attention kmart shoppers"
no blue light specials...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This cracked me up
Watching them crack each other up cracked me up. And the comment at 1:40 made me guffaw out loud :)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Would you go back?
If you had the opportunity to go back in time to fix a mistake or repair a regret, knowing what you know now, would you go? And if so, what would you want to change?
Keep in mind that changes you make then could affect the now. For better, for worse, who knows?
So would you go back?
I was talking about this with a few different friends and it's interesting to hear what people would like to change.
The first thing I thought of was that I would like to change who it was that I lost my virginity to. I thought this would be a small thing that would make an important moment in a girl's life more special. At first thought I didn't see any clear obvious drawbacks as to how it could change today...
But then upon thinking more about it, I realized that, though unlikely, I could have ended up pregnant by this guy and my whole life would have changed DRAMATICALLY.
So I took that off the table.
Then each and every other thing I could come up with that I thought I would like to do differently I came up with a possible different path that I could have ended up walking. Even the seemingly most minute details, if done differently could make a huge difference.
So after pondering this question all day I have decided that no, I would not change a thing. Every moment got me to this one, and this is right where I think I need to be.
But it's something to think about :)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Rockin' it old school
So today I was at Kmart buying cat food (recurring theme in my life) and was behind a guy who reeked of Polo. Suddenly, I was transported to Bayridge, Brooklyn, 1987...
Back my senior year of HS some of my friends and I really took advantage of the fact that we lived so close to NYC and started going into the city as often as possible. At the time, I believe it was around 6 dollars on the bus, and the bus stop was an easy to walk to location centrally located in my town. I have many many happy memories of riding that bus. Going into the city was always full of the most amazing feeling of anticipation...anything could happen! And usually did...
St. Patrick's Day parade one year 2 of my best friends cut school and went in for the parade. (Sadly, I was still too hung up on rules to have had the nerve to go too) They met some guys from Bayridge and that's when the start of the Jersey Girls invading Brooklyn began...
If I recall correctly, the first weekend we didn't go to Brooklyn, but somehow convinced one of these guys (who we called "Guido" even though his name was Mike) to pay for us to get a room at the Marriott Marquis. I have sketchy memories of this weekend, but the ones I have are great. I told my mom I was going to spend the weekend with my friend Missy, who I was tight with till 3rd grade till she moved to another town. We had reconnected once we had driver's licenses. My mom always was cool with me hanging with her since she remembered her as the Brownie in my Girl Scout troop. Little does she know that the first time I ever got drunk was with Missy...
Anyway, the fact that she lived out of town made her the perfect alibi for our NYC excursions... So this weekend at the Marriott was, as they say, "off the hook"! We drank many wine coolers (yes, it was the 80's) and kissed boys. Good times were had by all... With or Without You is the song that brings me back to that moment...
Another time we went in we were only planning to go in for the evening, using the lie "movie and shopping at the mall". We missed the last bus home (which it scares me to admit I remember was at 10:10) and were screwed. One friend called home and said we found Mary's prom dress and went to Weehawkin to show her grandmother the dress and were going to spend the night. FYI, our Grandmother never lived in Weehawkin and hand been dead for 4 years.. Mary and I each called our respective moms and said we were staying at Carries, for the same reason. I think they bought it that time... We ended up walking around the city all night long. We spent some time in a 24 hour burger king and caught some zzz's in Port Authority too before catching the 6:30am bus home. I think to this day that stands as one of my most memorable adventures. "Heaven on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle brings me back to this time...
Soon after we actually ventured into Brooklyn. We thought we were so cool! We'd hang at the bball courts and drink beers. We'd sit on the stoop and drink beers. We'd chill up the alley and drink beers. You get the idea. Whodini's "One Love" brings me back to that moment so vividly I am almost drunk again. I downloaded that tonight :) Along with "Friends" and Newcleus's "Jam On It". I am listening now and flashing back in a big way...
There was one weekend we spent the whole time in the city that we were busted in a big way. At that time my best friend was my cousin, Mary- my mom's sister's daughter. We decided that our lie du weekend would be that we were going to Hofstra for the weekend. I had been accepted to attend in the fall. We came up with crazy details on this lie. We used the name of a girl we both had gone to camp with in 5th grade as who we were staying with. We said she was a theatre major doing a production of "Glass Menagerie" and that we would be hanging at rehearsals and thusly unavailable (I wrote my Junior Thesis on this play, knew it upside down and backwards in case quizzed on it). I forget the other details but we had them iron clad. We felt we were totally safe. Yeah but no... one of our mom's called Hofstra, determined there was no production of Glass Menagerie going on, no student with the name we gave and that we were full of shit. I surprisingly can remember being at a phone booth with Mary talking to our mom's on a three way connection and digging deeper and deeper graves. Good times. Very grounded when I returned home, but worth every moment.
Eventually we got bored with our Brooklyn boys, about the same time I graduated HS. But those memories will always stand as some of my best HS memories- even though they took place in another state completely.
And as I am here listening to Whodini I am transported to kissing cute boys, drinking beers at the courts, and thinking I am so freaking cool nobody can touch me :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them.
Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.This, and the title of this post are quotes from one of my all time favorite movies. Name that movie without googling, and win big big points!
The movie, as far as I know, was never really popular even though it had some pretty decent star power. I stumbled upon it because I loved the title of it. I watched it and fell in love with it. Mad, passionate, extraordinary love with it :)
So what do you think? Is anything less than that a waste of time?
I agree, there are too many mediocre things. I believe love should not ever be mediocre.
And perhaps, this is why I am still single.
No, I do not expect it to be amazing every single moment of every single day. But I do believe it should have that at the root.
Other phrases uttered in this movie are
"see? we could be best friends, but we'd still have lust in our eyes."and
"Settle for anything and you're doomed. My biggest fear in life is being mediocre. We can't be willing to settle for anything, especially for less than we deserve"I know it sounds unrealistic, but this is what I dream of. I refuse to settle. Besides-
"If you only dream when you're asleep, then when your awake, there's still nothing there..."
Saturday, March 14, 2009
What I wish I could be blogging about...
I wish I could be cheering for the Carolina win today.
I wish I could be telling y'all about my new work gig.
I wish I could be sharing all sorts of other fantastic news.
But I can't. :(
I seem to be stuck in a holding pattern with the good news. I'm not giving up hope yet. But today is not the best day. The weather kinda sucks, and my mood kinda matches. I do know though that tomorrow will be another day. And Monday might be a fabulous day. You never know! Here's to hope!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Friday Shuffle
Bringing back an old standby: the Friday shuffle!
I've been really into shuffling lately. My itunes had been totally screwed up before and since getting this new laptop I have been working on straightening it out. I still have to find some missing music, but it's way better than it was before! And that is partially why I've been into shuffling again... Also though, I have been all about song lyrics for my status at facebook, playing "name that tune" with my friends. Rather than try and come up with songs on my own (which could be dangerously revealing of my thoughts and moods) I have been just using shuffle to come up with the tunes. I throw in the occasional meaningful song now and again, but it's less obvious this way ;)
So here is today's Friday Shuffle list:
1. Beekeepers Blues by Susanna Hoffs
No good deed will go unpunished, oh oh oh
And no beekeeper goes unstung
2. All By Myself by Jamie Neal (Bridget Jones sountrack)
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin' love was just for fun
Those days are gone
3. House at Pooh Corner by the Indigo Girls
but i wandered much farther today than i should
and i can't seem to find my way back to the woods
so help me if you can i've got to get
back to the house at pooh corner by one
4. Surround by Dada
If I died a thousand times
My soul washed beside me
I will never be alone
You're always inside me
5. More Than a Feeling by Boston
I looked out this morning and the sun was gone
Turned on some music to start my day
I lost myself in a familiar song
I closed my eyes and I slipped away
6. Consider This by Anna Nalick
I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting
Don't give me choices cause I can't decide
My mind is soaked in words
I've come to terms with all my insecurities
And purity's no friend of mine
7. Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith
Gotta get my timin right
Its a test that I gotta pass
Ill chase you all the way to stairway, honey
Kiss your sassafrass
8. When I See You Smile by Bad English
When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything
9. I Won't Be Your Yoko Ono by Dar Williams
Fame will come and vanish later
Transcendental love is greater
I think if we had this somehow
We'd be feeling famous right now
10. Hate by Fiction Plane
We’re cool, We’re different,
And we hate things, Yeah we hate things,
We hate people
So there's a peek into my itunes today :) And a wee bit o' lyrics that I like from each song.
Usually with a shuffle there's a theme but not so much today....if you spot one though feel free to point it out!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Another Haiku Thursday!
to write a coherent blog
yay I can haiku!
last night was way tough
messed up dreams all the night long
still feeling unsettled
Ringo Stu was sick too
woke to hear kitty puking
not good morning
what happened to spring?
I had to shut my windows
please come back sunshine!
this reads like I'm down
that's the opposite of true
still hopeful, happy :)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Just a bit of guilt
So recently I saw a job posted at a local outpatient place. I decided to apply. I REALLY don't want to give up traveling, but the way the travel market is makes me think that I might have to. And this would be a really good job. And in a few more years when the travel market opens up again I can consider going back to it if I so choose at that time. At least that's what I keep telling myself...
So a friend from my old hospital now works at this location. I haven't talked to her in probably about a year, but I decided to drop her an email asking her to put in a good word for me. And I feel pretty guilty for doing that. :( It seems like the first time I contact her in forever I should not be asking for a favor, but I also needed the favor. But then I realized that I also have not heard from her, so maybe it's not so bad that I haven't written her. And if she had out of the blue emailed me to ask me for a favor I wouldn't think twice about helping her. So I am hoping that she feels the same way.
I am just hoping that things fall into place the way they should, whichever way that may be. I know what I want, I just hope that what I want is what I need and what I get...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Glass of Wine Saved My Life
Yes, you read that correctly. Last night, my life was saved by a glass of wine.
So I had made myself dinner at about 6pm yesterday.
At 9ish pm I decided that I wanted a glass of wine. I actually took a while to decide. I'm trying to be all sorts of a good girl lately so that I can fit into my summer clothes, but since I had been very good for several days I decided to treat myself to the wine. And thank goodness I did!
I walked in the kitchen and it was HOT in there...and I wasn't sure why? Till I realized that I had left the stove on...for 3 hours! There was a wooden spoon on the stove which, as you can see, is charred. Actually, the entire thing except for about half a centimeter right at the end is, but I thought the close-up gave yinz a better idea of how bad it looked.
Had I not decided in favor of that wine, I would have not gone back into the kitchen till morning most likely. One of my biggest fears ever is an apartment fire. I shudder to think how close I came to this possibly happening.
So who says alcohol isn't good for you?
Monday, March 09, 2009
The Worst Date Ever...part 2
So today I was feeling a bit at a loss for material that I cared to actually share with the whole blogosphere. I then remembered a long ago post that I had always intended to go back to and figure now is as good a time as ever.
So if you read it, you remember that "Billy" acted like he was into me, but took 2 months to call. (Silly Delaware and their lack of phones!) Well when he called he invited me to Wine in the Woods. I thought it seemed like a perfect first date and was really excited about it!
So he picks me up, and pays for our tickets to get into the place. He was even quite the gentleman opening car doors for me and stuff. I believe he even held my hand for a bit. But then, as we were wandering around enjoying the wine and the woods and he suddenly asks "So I was wondering, is this a date?"
WTF?
I'm not sure exactly how I answered, I was a bit thrown, as you can imagine.
But before we had the chance to discuss this bizarre question, we ran into a coworker of his. He introduced me and the coworker says something to the effect of "It's so great to meet you, I've heard so much about you!" And before I could have a mini panic attack about the potential that "Billy" might be a stalker, he says to his friend "oh...this isn't her..."
A bit awkward, right?
I proceeded to laugh that off and then go on to drink AS MUCH WINE AS POSSIBLE for the rest of the afternoon.
When he brought me home he walked me up to my door and gave me a kiss.
WTF?
As you can imagine, this was the most surreal "date" (did we ever establish this? I don't think so!) that I was ever on!
So even though I've gone out with a guy who took me to the Taco Bell in a mall food court on our first date, a guy who managed to tell me that he was both a) rich and b) an orphan in the first 5 minutes of our date, and a guy who told me ON OUR SECOND DATE that we would be engaged by Valentine's (even though it was already November), I think that my afternoon drinking wine in the woods with "Billy" wins the prize!
The scariest part? We actually kinda sorta dated on and off for years and I still consider him a friend. (and not just on facebook, although he is there so let's hope he never gets inspired to follow my blog link!)
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Not actually springing forward
So YAY my clocks are almost all back to normal! Because I was out of town the last DST I never switched several of my clocks.
For the past 6 months when I look at my one clock here in the bedroom I just have been doing the math...it says 6:30, it's really 5:30. I adapted well.
And now I did not have to change it....but I worry...will I keep doing the math? Will I end up being late for things now? Doubtful, but still a concern!
I love when my laziness comes full circle and makes me actually ahead of the game ;)
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Suddenly Sleepy Saturday
For those of you who did not know, we are coming to the end of National Sleep Awareness Week. Today is SSS, which is a day for Narcolepsy Awareness.
One of the ways I celebrated this today was to take a nap out on my hammock. :) Today has been the most gorgeous day in forever and it was the perfect day for it.
So now I have woken up and am ready to raise some narcolepsy awareness! I have mentioned this before on my blog, but for those of you who have no interest in going back and reading that stuff, I was diagnosed with Narcolepsy about 9 years ago. Before my diagnosis, I was a miserable bitch. I knew that my sleep patterns were screwy, but I thought it was based on stress and I had no choice but to suck it up.
Not so! Narcolepsy is a neurological disorder caused by the sleep center of one's brain not doing what it needs to do to make sleep happen as it should. It is not really at all like they make it out on TV or in the movies. And while there is no cure for it, there are treatments. For more information on Narcolepsy please check out the Narcolepsy Network.
With education comes awareness and with awareness comes understanding :) Thanks!
Friday, March 06, 2009
Deep Thoughts
At the moment I am listening to the Indigo Girls on shuffle. Their song "Mystery" always makes me think. And I have yet to come up with the answers to their questions. But here's something to think about...So what is love then is it dictated or chosen?
Do we choose who we fall in love with? Or do the fates? I think it's a combination of both. The fates throw this person in our path, and we decide if that is the path we want to take. I think. Catch me on another day and my feelings might be different...
Does it sing like the hymns of 1000 years or is it just pop emotion?
And if it ever was here and it left does it mean it was never true?
I have had relationships where they started singing like the hymns of 1000 years and they burned out quickly, so how good is that really? Does that mean that it was just not the right person though? And wtf do they mean by pop emotion?
And the last one really makes me think... I would say I have been in love before. But if it did not last, does that mean it wasn't really true love but actually just strong infatuation? Now looking back, there were 3 men I have said "I love you" to, and another I believed I felt it for but I never said it. When trying to drum up emotions right now about 2 of those men I get...nothing.
Not even wistfulness nor a smile remembering happy times. Nothing. No anger for events that lead up to the ultimate demise of our relationship. Nada. So how could one go from having feelings that were actually labeled as love to having zero feelings? So does that mean that it was not actual love?
The third guy who I never said the words to I have nothing but happiness for the experience of spending those years with him. I wish nothing but happiness for his future. I have no desire for his future and mine to overlap though. I know he and I obviously must have had some bad times together but I can't really remember them. I am actually smiling right now remembering one road trip in particular that we took. We enjoyed going to cheesy tourist destinations together and I somewhere still have all the squished penny souvenirs that we made. My current emotion is the opposite of wistful, but I can't figure out what that word would be. But nothing like love left. So what does that mean? Did I actually love him and the love is over but because it did not crash and burn there is just a peacefulness left behind? Or did I not actually love him and just believed that I did?
The last guy I still say "I love you" to almost every night. Our relationship never really happened and shifted to friendship. And I know that the love for him that I carry is real, but it is also not the passionate kind. So that love was true, but was it when I said it to him as a man instead of as a friend?
So were all of these loves true at that time and at that place? Or was I just thinking I was in love but have yet to experience what the reality of it is?
But there is that law that energy cannot be created or destroyed only changed in form...
And since I have no feelings at all for most of them, what form did it change to? Or is it still inside me waiting for another?
All these crazy babbling thoughts just based on a song.
Maybe I need to start just listening to the music and ignoring the lyrics, eh?
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Haiku Thursday!
Not a consistent feature, but one I always enjoy doing! These are two from my fb status thread today and then a few original to here...
for waking up too early?
just a bunch of worms.
Lange rocks my socks LARGE
I miss being lame with her
but YAY, she's happy!
I think I might be
actually happy too
who would have thunk it?
new friends and old friends
and new old friends, old new friends
whichever- love em!
geography sucks.
where is my cool flying car
or teleporter?
what about my jet pack?
we were promised those by now!
Jetsons was a lie.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
2 DOLLARS! I want my 2 DOLLARS!
So earlier today I was IMing with my friend Eddie from HS who has this thing for hating the French. And being the smart ass that I am I said something to the effect of them having great food, like fronch toast, fronch fries... and he replied "and to drink...Peru!"
SO YAY! for him!! And as I complimented him he said that anyone who could not quote that movie should be shot. So I tested the few people who were also online. 2 of who were guys that I would have COMPLETELY believed would have known...but FAIL! Only two out of 5 of my friends online knew. My question was "If I were to say 'TWO DOLLARS! I want my 2 DOLLARS' would you know what I was talking about?" and the one said "it's a shame throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that!" YAY HER! She wins! I also texted my new friend who I can't seem to stop talking about on here and his reply was not as good as hers, but he did reply "Of Course". So I'm happy he passed the test or I'd just have to ditch this new wonderful friendship and that would make me sad. But like Eddie said "tough to put all your eggs in 'bad 80s movie quotes' but i think if you don't know 2 dollars.. 'we're too different'" I'm happy that wasn't the case, but I do think Eddie was right on that one...
Oh so first person to leave a comment with the movie title wins! (NO GOOGLING ALLOWED)
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Beyond Pathetic
That would be me, thankewverymuch! So last night talking with a friend we were discussing my neighborhood. So this morning I gave him my address for google maps street view and explained which apartment is mine, and how you can see my little boy actually sitting in the window. So then I spent the next 30 minutes or so basically taking a walk around my neighborhood online. Yes, I "walked" all around the area via google maps.
This is when I realized just how pathetic I am. Maybe taking an actual walk rather than a virtual one would be a better idea?
What has my world come to???
So I took a shower with every intention to then actually go out for a walk. But then when I got out of the shower I made the mistake of sitting down in front of the computer again-- Ringo planted his kitty ass on my lap, and here I have sat since.
Tomorrow is actually supposed to be a gorgeous day-- I'm going to shoot for that walk then :)
Monday, March 02, 2009
Happy Birthday Laura!
So one year in chorus we sang a Broadway medley and in there was the song Camelot. In that song was "the winter is forbidden till December and exits March the second on the dot.
Laura was in my chorus class and that was her birthday and I remember always smiling at her during that line. :)
So for the past 20 years I have not talked to Laura, but every year on her birthday I thought of her and sent out good wishes.
This year she's on facebook so I got to actually wish her a happy one. How cool is that? She doesn't realize though that I've been wishing her a happy one silently every year since we sang that song!
Btw, Raleigh clearly is not Camelot. It's a winter wonderland out there. Go figure- snow, in the south, in March. Nah, the space program is a GREAT idea!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Another BloMo!
So thanks to my friend Ferg I am signed up for another month of BloMoing! The theme this month is Give (up) and I don't think I'm feeling that much so I will probably ignore the theme and just go on my own. Or maybe not...who knows?
Today I was given some fabulous gifts by my wonderful neighbor! She is actually moving which is breaking my heart. Her new place does not have a fireplace, so she just gave me all of her wood! It's the perfect day for a fire too- bitter cold rain supposed to turn to snow soon. She also had just taken a quiche out of the oven and gave me a hunk of it for dinner. I had some of it, but then Ringo said he'd like some so we ended up sharing it and I think he even got more than me! Well, enough for now, I'm headed to go build a fire with my new wood and get cozy :) Till tomorrow...