Monday, March 30, 2009

 A peek into my crazy

Ok don't get all excited, I'm not going to let you peek into my crazy today.

It's MY crazy and I don't really choose to share it often. There are a few people who have a bit of a clue about all some of my secret crazies that I can mask well to the rest of the world, but I don't think that there is anyone who knows them all...

In the last few days I have let 2 different people peek at some of my crazy and it's kinda weird. The first peek I gave was actually to the friend I had dinner with in Danville, which is really a shocker since we never were that close. I didn't give him any of the good stuff though, and I'm not sure how we even got on topic, but it just sorta flowed into something that I have never actually talked about with anyone ever. It wasn't really deep intense stuff, so I don' t even know if he realizes he peeked, but it was still thoughts that I keep tucked inside and I am still surprised that they slipped out.

Then yesterday I was having a conversation with another friend and I opened the door on another one of my crazies. Today I expanded on that mess that is my mind in an email. But along with the conversation that is my crazy, we also had been talking about trust (in fact, the other stuff just sorta flowed from the trust conversation) and I realize that I might be having some trust breakthroughs...

I have never had any problems trusting men I am in relationships with, which seems odd, considering I have HUGE issues with trusting friends...

About 5 years ago I was fuct over LARGE by someone I considered a good friend, and she managed to tear apart a group of mutual friends with her lies and manipulations which made me lose trust in those friends too... Since then, I have been really careful about who I give my confidence to...

Realizing that I just opened up even just a wee bit twice in the past few days makes me wonder if I might have actually healed from that broken heart from 5 years ago and I may have come out even better on the other end.

Go figure.

Posted by Acinom @ 7:04 PM