Friday, March 11, 2011
Love and light
I haven't gotten to the road trip posts yet, but I still do plan on doing them.
Today I have a very heavy heart for one reason and a heart filled with light and joy for another.
My friend Lynn who has been fighting Small Cell Lung Cancer for a few months now is entering hospice. And I really thought she had it beat so this is hitting me hard. I know this is one of the more evil cancers out there. I know it's aggressive and horrifying and has about a 5% survival. Lynn was diagnosed when it was already in her liver. And in my experience with all of my cancer patients I know that once it's in the liver it's time to say goodbyes.
But then Christmas came and Lynn was still with us. And I decided that meant she was going to be on of the 5%. I just felt like if she made it that far, she could make it all the way.
A few weeks ago a mutual friend died and I asked her how she was doing. I know that there's nothing like someone else's mortality to really make you face yours. And she was doing ok. She was hopeful. I felt even more sure she'd be in the 5%.
Over the last few days she had some setbacks. Last night I begged whoever would hear me to spare Lynn. To heal her, to let her be ok. I knew so many were still raw from losing Sharon and I didn't think our group could handle another loss so I prayed and I begged.
And then this morning I woke to the post from the love of Lynn's life that she was entering hospice.
I broke down and cried. I still keep tearing up thinking of it.
But then a few hours later I talked to my friend Laura. She just got out of the hospital yesterday after being in a coma for almost two weeks and fighting Viral Meningitis. And guess what? She's ok. She beat it. We talked not just about her illness but how this changed her life. She said it truly was life changing and now she's going to let go of all toxicity and focus on the good. She said she was sending me beams of love and light for stuff I'm dealing with.
So I guess not all the good ones get taken. And I'm forwarding those beams of love and light on to Lynn and her loved ones. At least I know that whenever I hear the song "Shameless" by Garth (no, not by Billy Joel, she made that quite clear) that it means she's stopping to say hi. And no, she's not going to be one of the 5%, but I guess that means that someone else's loved one is, and that their world will be full of love and light.
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Excellent post, Monica! It's full of love and loss and the beauty of life, and it made me cry. <3 u!