Saturday, November 01, 2008
Happy NaBloPoMo3! um and help?
Welcome to my blog :) The last few years on the first day I did a little re-introduction but today I have a more pressing question for anyone stopping by so I'll do that another day.
I have no real idea how I feel about something and would like other peoples opinions :)
Ok back story... a little over a year ago, a friend basically told a group of us to f off as she also destroyed something we all built together. She claims that she did it because she couldn't handle the drama, although she was the one creating any drama, but that's kinda moot. At the time I sent her an email trying to work through the situation and salvage the relationship and she completely ignored that email. I was done.
The other day I got an email from her with the subject "I'm sorry". Here it sorta is:
I want to apologize again for any misunderstandings that was between us concerning yaddah yaddah. Blah blah blah. I hope that enough time has elapsed that we can put yaddah yaddah behind us and try again at our friendship. Please let me know how you all are. I do miss you.
Obviously I took out specific details. Anyway, as I was reading this at first I thought this was great. And then I read that line "you all are" and realized this was a mass mailing. So question A- how would you feel about a group apology?
So I wrote back:
When I first started reading this I thought it was great. Until I noticed it was a form email sent out to a bulk mailing list. I sent you an email when this mess was all happening (which I can reforward to you if you forgot, I never delete anything) where I told you that I wanted to explain why I said what I said blah blah how I wanted to work through it with you. You completely ignored that . yaddah yaddah. While I would love to put everything behind us, I feel like a group generic apology cannot wipe away the hurt. Time alone does not mend fences. If you'd like to actually talk to me, I would be open to that.
she replied to this:
It was to 4 people. I'm ready to put this behind me, but I can't force anyone who doesn't want to let go. I don't know anything about any email and that is the truth. I tried. I wish you well
so question B is, what are your thoughts knowing it was only 4 out of a large group? Does that change anything?
and finally, I wrote a long one forwarding the original email from a year ago, I won't get into all of that, but her final email to me yesterday was:
I really don't want to get into a pissing match. I am sorry. I cannot and am not in a position to keep dragging it out. I know what I did was wrong, but it's over and I can't do anything about it. I wish I could, but I cannot. blah blah. I don't even care about the email. I don't even remember seeing it at all. yaddah yaddah. There are too many other things going on in my real life that I'm trying to get through that are very critical. Not to say that I'm not worried about old friendships...because if I weren't, I wouldn't even try to make contact...even if it's not acceptable to email a few others who may have been offended as well. I'm sorry if I offended with the "mass email." My intentions were good, even if you can't see that. That's all I can say about it. I've got nothing more.
So I guess question C is this- would you just get over it and move on or would you just let it go? I guess my problem is that she never addressed the original issue, never acknowledged her part. Maybe a simple "I'm sorry" should be enough? I don't know what to think. So I want other people's thoughts on the whole thing- if you can give them.
So thanks for any thoughts you can share. Sorry to start the month off with drama, but I just can't figure out how I feel about all of this and thought I could use this opportunity to get some insight from people who were not at all involved and don't know the parties.
Tomorrow I'll write a happy post :)
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Happy 1st NaBloPoMo!
And as for your dilemma...I would hear her out first and then judge the sincerity. You know her better than any of us in the blogosphere, so think back on how she has been in the past. But I would certainly hear what she has to say before completely shutting the door.
She may be sincere, but I still feel she should have sent individual apologies. That's what I would have liked.
You began by telling us that it was a group of you she told to F off, etc... So I actually thought her apology was to the group before you even said it was a group email... If she was apologizing to all of you for the same thing, I see no harm in writing to all of you at the same time. The reality is, had she done it individually, she could have just sent the same email 4 times and you would be none-the-wiser. It does sound a little nitpicky to me. As for the friendship, see Ann Landers 101: "Is your life better with her or without her in it?" If it's with, you two have some repair work to do.
I'd hear her our and see what she has to say.Go from there.
Good luck with your everyday blogging!
I have been thinking about how to reply to this and all I can come up with is that I know you are a wise girl and will figure out the best way to handle it.
Ive often thought about what I would do if I got an email apology from a few who, awhile back, wreaked horrible havoc with my heart...
lol, I doubt that email will EVER arrive in my box, but if it did, I would most likely thank them for the apology and go on about my life,
without them in it.
I would not be able to trust again to start emailing and interacting w/them nor would I ever want to go thru anything like that again!!
But, to be able to forgive and to have something from them saying they were so wrong in what they did, would make me feel better.
Just not better enough to bring them back willingly into my life lol.
love ya Mon!!!
Sometimes it's better to give a person a second chance, more for yourself, than them. Personally I don't like to leave things hanging on a sour note. That said, making amends doesn't mean things will be or have to be, the same. It doesn't mean I would be hanging out with that person. If I ran into them at a party or on the street I would say hello etc., and it wouldn't be awkward since the air has been cleared.
Your friend reminds me of ME! Sometimes you're just trying to do the right thing and no matter what you do, it just blows up in your face and people are angry at you. Ugh. I've been there and it's such a helpless feeling. Honestly, I think she meant well and it just plain didn't occur to her someone would be offended by the lack of individual emails. And something so silly seems to be causing hard feelings all over again. If she's really your friend, give her a big ol' hug and let it all go... Life is too short.