Sunday, February 17, 2008
Depression Blows
So pretty much all of January I spent wicked depressed. And as I've said before here, I've learned how to do depression up right!
I've gone through bouts of it throughout my life, but I always had to fake it through, keep on keeping on, not let it get the best of me.
But after last March when I was suddenly unemployed, I had the opportunity to do it up the way I always had dreamed of. I got to take to my bed. I always read about people doing this, and was always jealous of them. Ok, so they were fictional characters, but still. I dreamed of being able to do that, to not have responsibilities forcing me to get out of bed.
And since the settlement if I quit my job gave me that opportunity, I embraced depression with all that I had. So like I said, last March/April I did it up right. And then I started to get bored with bed and moved forward. I actually showered and left the house.
But then this fall things started sucking again. I put off getting a job to help out a friend, thinking I could afford to. I was wrong. First of all, I was under the misconception that once I wanted to start working again, I would. Simple as saying "ok, I'm ready!", right? Yeah, no. But when I was thinking that, I thought I would put off looking for a job because I did not want it to conflict with helping out my friend. Big mistake. HUGE.
I have a lot of anger both towards her and myself. And I just need to get over it. But that's another story.
Anyway, once I realized that I was free to start working, and oh hey, I need to, the bank account is not fat anymore, I applied to a few travel agencies, expecting to be working within a week, or maybe two because it was the holidays afterall...
It took an ENDLESS amount of time to even get the official okiedokie from the agencies. Of course my most recent employer would not give any more reference than just dates of employment and salary, and of course that wasn't enough and so now what. I spent about a month trying to track down people willing to say nice things about me. Well, people willing to say nice things, that the employers wanted to hear it from... After I finally did, and finally got the official okiedokie I thought I'd be working within a few days.
Yeah...no. A month has gone by and still I am not working.
So in those 2 months from the time I tried to start working and now, I did the full on depression thing again. Days without showering or getting out of bed. In fact, the only reason I'd leave the house was to go buy cat food.
The good news is that I still have the same tank of gas in my car that I filled up in December. And that I've done my part in a big way to conserve water due to our drought.
The bad news is that I am still pretty depressed and still unemployed.
Let's hope that a job will happen this week.
I need a win.
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Hey Mon!
I loved that you saw that cute smiley sticker talkin to you when you were coming out of K-Mart!
Darlin, Im thinking of you and hoping everything will finally fall into place.
Im here...
Hugs!!!