Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Help, I need somebody...
So asking for help is probably one of the hardest things for me. I dont want to put my friends out, or make them feel bad if they have to say no. There have also been times when I broke down and asked for something that I just knew I could not do on my own and was turned down and/or it was made very clear what a burden it was too help me.
One of those times that sticks out in my mind was when I was moving out of my apartment in AZ. It was only March, but in AZ that meant that the temp was in the high 90's/low 100's. I always choose the penthouse apartments because "it's the best" (ok Grits, you are a few points shy of a dozen, but I'm only giving out 2 points for getting this one) This penthouse was on the 3rd floor. (currently my penthouse is on the second floor) I had a rented budget truck that was parked right at the bottom of the stairs. I so felt bad about asking for help but I just couldnt get the couch or TV or a few other big things down the stairs alone. It's amazing how many people tell you "if you ever need anything, just let me know" but when it comes to help moving, suddenly everyone is too busy to help. I finally begged and got a friend to give me exactly one hour of her time. Together we got the few big things down in that time and then off she went. All of the rest of my stuff (and you realize just how much stuff you have when youre carrying it down two flights of stairs in 105 degree weather) I had to bring down alone. Being the procrastinator that I am, I was also still packing as I was doing this, and planning on purging alot that I couldnt seem to pack. The purgable stuff I would just pile up outside my door to bring down to the dumpster all at once when I was done.
This was one of the worst days/nights of my life. I think I sweat off 30 lbs, and I got essentially no sleep. I tried to get a few hours in, but of course my mind was to-do listing and I couldnt relax. I was close to having a breakdown. My mom was close to having a breakdown because I kept calling her to try and stave mine off. By 6am I had everything packed, but had 2 giant mountains of stuff that had to go to the dumpster and I just looked at it and started crying. I knew that I just couldnt do it. My leg muscles were jelly and my emotional state was precarious, so I just couldnt do it. About this time I came across 2 women and a young teenage boy who were poking through the dumpster looking for treasures or something. I offered them $20 to carry my stuff down to the dumpster and they were so excited to help. It took them all of 3 minutes for something that would have taken me at least an hour. That was the best $20 I ever spent.
Anyway, my point is, Id often rather pay someone then ask for help. Ive been going through a tough time getting stuff done with this trapped nerve thing and instead of asking for help with grocery shopping, I go to taco bell several days a week. Instead of getting help cleaning the apartment, I just hope that my cats learn to clean. It's just too hard for me to ask for help.
Well now I have a doc appt next Monday that I was told that I had to have a ride home from. Of course this stresses me out. Not because Im nervous about what they are going to do that would prevent me from being able to drive, but because I have to ask for a favor. I broke down and asked 2 friends, and of course they already had plans that day. The one is driving back from out of state that day and said she'd try to make it back in time. So now I feel bad that she felt bad that she couldnt help, and that she's trying to make it work but that probably adds stress to her day, and I hate putting people out.
But Im touched that she is willing to do what she can to help. That gives me definite warm fuzzies. But then another friend of mine popped into my head. She just finished law school, is taking the bar this week, and next week is wide open. I emailed her, and even knowing that she should be available, it still stressed me out to ask. Her reply though? "I'm still thoroughly unemployed, so I would be happy to help you out! Just let me know details."
She has no idea how much that exclamation point means to me. Not just "i can do that if you need me", but happy to help! The relief I feel isnt only because I have a ride, but also because I dont think Im being a burden too.
Between the friend who's willing to try to adjust her whole pre-planned out of state trip and the one who's happy! to help I just realize that I definitely am blessed, and sometimes asking for help isnt the worst thing ever...
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LOL - another 'Purty Woman' line.
I can relate to the asking for help - you say it perfectly! Glad you found a friend who wants to and is willing (!) Yay!
You deserve to have people treat you with kindness, my dear! It's that simple.